Post by Brit on Jun 17, 2013 18:17:47 GMT
A while back, I was sitting downstairs in my great aunt’s basement. It’s finished. You walk down the stairs, and there’s a set of french doors that open to a huge living room. Walk down the hall and there’s another hall on your left. At the end on the left is a bathroom I can lay down in in every direction without hitting the walls. And if you continue down the main hall, at the very end there’s a door that leads to an enormous bedroom with a closet that is the size of the bathroom. Talk about walk in, right? Well. Above my bedroom, there’s the upstairs kitchen. My aunt likes to bang around up there.
Now before I finish the story, there’s a few details you should know.
1. She’s very fat… VERY fat. And I won’t sugar coat it cause she’d eat that too.
2. She’s old… 63 years and counting.
3. She’s half blind, I swear.
4. She loves to sing at the top of her lungs while in the kitchen… an entertainment that I’d like to drown out because she’s tone deaf.
Now, I was sitting on my bed, with nothing on… electronic, that is. No fan, no radio, no laptop, no television. I’m reading a book called Ice Hunt by James Rollins (excellent book… READ IT! O.O) and all of a sudden I hear her telltale footsteps slam into the kitchen floor to tell me she’s up there. And then she starts singing something by Kiss. (Old people… should… not sing Kiss… god please. My ears were bleeding) Now, she’s singing some song by Kiss and I’m reading praying she’ll stop when all of a sudden I hear a big splat right above the air vent. And then a huge crash. I thoughtMy god…. she’s finally gonna come crashing through the ceiling and I’m gonna die. Now all I hear is silence. I thought maybe she’d fallen over and died.
All of a sudden, clear as a bell (and she’s 63 years old, mind you) I hear this.
“SON OF A NUTSACK!!!!”
I fell off my bed laughing… I thought I was going to pee my pants or die of laughter… maybe both, since people void their bowels when they die. I crawled my way to my cell and called her. Turns out she dropped her food from the spoon to the floor, then dropped the spatula. Then yelled that. So… if you want to keep your character but look the part of a harmless (and fat) old lady… swear like no one’s in your basement listening.
Now before I finish the story, there’s a few details you should know.
1. She’s very fat… VERY fat. And I won’t sugar coat it cause she’d eat that too.
2. She’s old… 63 years and counting.
3. She’s half blind, I swear.
4. She loves to sing at the top of her lungs while in the kitchen… an entertainment that I’d like to drown out because she’s tone deaf.
Now, I was sitting on my bed, with nothing on… electronic, that is. No fan, no radio, no laptop, no television. I’m reading a book called Ice Hunt by James Rollins (excellent book… READ IT! O.O) and all of a sudden I hear her telltale footsteps slam into the kitchen floor to tell me she’s up there. And then she starts singing something by Kiss. (Old people… should… not sing Kiss… god please. My ears were bleeding) Now, she’s singing some song by Kiss and I’m reading praying she’ll stop when all of a sudden I hear a big splat right above the air vent. And then a huge crash. I thoughtMy god…. she’s finally gonna come crashing through the ceiling and I’m gonna die. Now all I hear is silence. I thought maybe she’d fallen over and died.
All of a sudden, clear as a bell (and she’s 63 years old, mind you) I hear this.
“SON OF A NUTSACK!!!!”
I fell off my bed laughing… I thought I was going to pee my pants or die of laughter… maybe both, since people void their bowels when they die. I crawled my way to my cell and called her. Turns out she dropped her food from the spoon to the floor, then dropped the spatula. Then yelled that. So… if you want to keep your character but look the part of a harmless (and fat) old lady… swear like no one’s in your basement listening.