Post by Brit on Jun 17, 2013 18:32:56 GMT
I'm sure at some point, you've come across a child, whether it be in your family, or a sibling... or a neighbor kid that's just younger than you. There are rules to approaching the child without setting off the mega storm called a tantrum. So, here is a quick survival guide to being a big sister/brother/aunt/uncle/whatever.
Toys
1. If you leave anything that might look like a toy around, it is theirs automatically. (see below example)
-eyeliner: they will use it as a drawing utensil.
-white board markers that you need for tracking your pay, etc: They will use it as a ddrawing utensil
-pens that you need: You will never see it again. Plain and simple.
-Cell phone: It is theirs. She/he will take it and push all kinds of buttons and call your aunt by mistake. It's embarrassing.
2. The HUNGER
If your small thing is hungry, they don't want to wait. They want food RIGHT the FUCK NOW. They will bug you and bug you and bug you and bug you. No matter how much you tell them to wait, they will continue to bug you until you feed them. And if you don't right away, the mega storm begins.
3. Playtime
Playtime is the embodiment of elephants running through the house at top speed. And it is absolutely hilarious. (see example below)
- She was running through the house. Here is the situation.
Me: "Careful, short stuff, you'll fall and get hurt!"
R: *running madly with her microphone behind her* "I WILL NOT! LEEME ALONE!"
M: "Ooookay don't come crying to me when it happens."
R: *steps on the microphone cord, runs right into the wall and sits hard... stares at me with doe eyes*
M: *snorts* Told you to be careful. You okay?
R: *nods and gets up keeps playing*
M: *starts laughing because that shit was funnyyyy*
R: *sees me laughing, stops dead, and bursts into tears. those "fake tears" kids are good at*
-end scene-
4. Naptime
Be prepared for a tantrum. That is all.
5. Dinner
(see HUNGER)
6. Bedtime
After the small creature falls asleep, that is when you flop down and realize that she's a parasite from outerspace that sucks you dry of your energy and then slumbers to do it all again.
Toys
1. If you leave anything that might look like a toy around, it is theirs automatically. (see below example)
-eyeliner: they will use it as a drawing utensil.
-white board markers that you need for tracking your pay, etc: They will use it as a ddrawing utensil
-pens that you need: You will never see it again. Plain and simple.
-Cell phone: It is theirs. She/he will take it and push all kinds of buttons and call your aunt by mistake. It's embarrassing.
2. The HUNGER
If your small thing is hungry, they don't want to wait. They want food RIGHT the FUCK NOW. They will bug you and bug you and bug you and bug you. No matter how much you tell them to wait, they will continue to bug you until you feed them. And if you don't right away, the mega storm begins.
3. Playtime
Playtime is the embodiment of elephants running through the house at top speed. And it is absolutely hilarious. (see example below)
- She was running through the house. Here is the situation.
Me: "Careful, short stuff, you'll fall and get hurt!"
R: *running madly with her microphone behind her* "I WILL NOT! LEEME ALONE!"
M: "Ooookay don't come crying to me when it happens."
R: *steps on the microphone cord, runs right into the wall and sits hard... stares at me with doe eyes*
M: *snorts* Told you to be careful. You okay?
R: *nods and gets up keeps playing*
M: *starts laughing because that shit was funnyyyy*
R: *sees me laughing, stops dead, and bursts into tears. those "fake tears" kids are good at*
-end scene-
4. Naptime
Be prepared for a tantrum. That is all.
5. Dinner
(see HUNGER)
6. Bedtime
After the small creature falls asleep, that is when you flop down and realize that she's a parasite from outerspace that sucks you dry of your energy and then slumbers to do it all again.